


Demented tales

by Straj



Category: Original Work
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-12
Updated: 2019-04-12
Packaged: 2020-02-07 08:31:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 2,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18616969
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Straj/pseuds/Straj
Summary: In the dungeon lives a DragonAnd he gets a cat.Behold...





	1. Princess in the dungeon

Once upon a time there was a Princess.  
She lived in the tower, and the entrance to the tower was in the dungeon.  
And in the dungeon there was a Dragon.  
Very beautiful Dragon — semi-precious, shining and sparkling.

***

 

The Princess was shibanuty on his head. She could a hundred times already to escape, but she firmly believed that the Princess, which is not guarded by a dragon — a prostitute, a fallen woman, pathetic geisha…  
Parents of fools two months begging him to return to the fold, but alas. The Princess insisted, and remained in the tower.  
Wait for the Prince on a white horse.

***

I feed it plants, well, the Dragon she sometimes meat tossed.  
Two years of release was not from suitors, but no one on the Dragon has not passed. The dragon didn't kill them; the tail will, they'll leave and head to the land of jab.  
All have stakes with heads, and here — only legs stick out of the ground.

***

And one stray in the dungeon of the cat. Big shaggy, black color. The cat sniffed, looked around and... stayed.  
First two places he lived — the Princess lives, then the Dragon.  
But then finally the Dragon moved.  
It is comfortable to sleep between the front paws of the Dragon.  
He has a Dragon head at the Cat and put snuffle.

***

 

And then the Princess died.  
From old age.  
The dragon was young, nothing at all — a thousand years is no more.  
The cat also was clearly not a mistake, because how many Dragon did not Wake up, he kept the Cat close seen.

***

They lived a couple of years without the Princess, and the third year, some asshole started a rumor, they say, in the dungeon of the Dragon a shitload of gold and jewels. And knocked bipedal creature greedy for a freebie, but I was a Dragon they were all sent a kick tail on a long flight.

***

 

Winter came.  
The dragon is hibernating and the cat is sleeping between the paws of the dragon pressed against the scaly breast of the other, then runs for the mice or to the next village for grub. Tired of running to the full, running to the dungeon wet, snow covered, and between the front legs is taken... sleep.

***

And then spring came.  
And here comes another greedy two-legged for gold. He was dressed in a coat, pants, shirt, and soft boots. Armed with a spiked club and a sword. Biped was confident in his abilities and bawled a song of his own composition, approaching the dungeon. He was not confused by the pathetic skeletons of his predecessors, sticking out picturesquely throughout the valley.

I have a club!  
I've broken her head.  
I have the sharpest sword!  
He was chopping heads off his shoulders!  
As to the dragon I enter,  
Cut his head!  
Will be a gold mine!  
This case check this out!!!

But the cat heard the song early. He pricked up his ears and got close. The dragon is still asleep.  
Biped went to the dungeon, promorgali and brought a club over the head of a Dragon. But then... from above... it dived something shaggy with glowing eyes and sharp claws. It clung to his face and began to tear with rage.  
— Oh!!! FUCK!!! — howled the biped, trying to tear the hissing furball, but he did not succeed.

The dragon squirmed.

A two-legged tore the cat from himself and tossed to the side. His face was covered with blood, his skin hung in rags. He grabbed the sword and prepared to cut the head, but the cat again attacked him.  
Back now.  
And making a raucous, furious mew.

And the Dragon woke up and saw that his cat fights with the two-legged, fiercely and aggressively. He also saw that the two-legged man grabbed the cat and threw it against the wall. The cat flew away and sprawled on the floor.  
— РРРРРРРРРРРРРРРРРРРРРРРРРРРРРРРРРРРРРРРРРРРРРР!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!— roared the Dragon and stepped forward to meet the enemy, and he was not bound, and the chains that were supposed to hold it, was not. Grabbed a two-legged Dragon by the scruff with his teeth and throw. He flew a couple of tens of meters before he entered the rock on the knees.  
And Dragon charge to the Cat. He sniffed it, licked it, then put it back between his front paws and began to warm it.

 

— Mauuu, — slightly cat after a while.  
— VRR, — said the Dragon.


	2. Princess Sophie

Coward Dragon grey  
Under the tower walked,  
And past black and shaggy  
The cat ran.

And in tower the  
Sophie the beautiful lives.  
All the pieces composing  
And singing songs!

And collects vegetables  
In the courtyard,  
Sugars fruit  
August and September.

But time passes,  
Still no groom.  
And Sophia invites  
Dragon for lunch.

— You're beautiful! —  
Sofia says,  
— And tail, head and wings…  
Such a beautiful view!

The gold shines,  
That yacht burns,  
Any heart maiden  
This dragon will conquer.

Hot as a flame.,  
And his heart is great…  
Not see in this drama…  
And here the bridegroom emerged.

He entered the castle hastily,  
The subject of girl's dreams,  
With dignity dismounted  
And the sword raised.

The dragon came out  
And fire erupted.  
Sofia screamed:  
— Don't touch the dragon!

— Waiting for you, o knight,  
I spent the last eight years!  
When I fell in love,  
You came here to ruin my lunch!

Dragon! His Ho Ho!  
Drive him out!  
With you, o my Dragon,  
I'll spend all my days!

And knight, deliciously spitting  
And quietly cursing,  
Drive off…


	3. The first tale of the Ogre

There was an Ogre.  
He ate everyone for lunch.

Says he: — Hey, neighbor!  
You caused a lot of trouble!

And today I'm,  
Tenderly true love,

Food tasty lure…  
At dinner... yum...yum!

And the neighbor told him:  
— I, if you observed,

Trouble is always the answer,  
And yesterday I shot bulls,

Today I was cleaning the spit.  
The day is beautiful, green, bright.

Here is a sword you stab,  
I'll take him deep.

Pull out the giblets…  
I stabbed a rooster.

The Ogre lies stabbed to death.  
And over him, spinning the gadfly!


	4. The second tale of the Ogre

Hannibal lived!  
Yum! yum!  
All for Breakfast ate,  
Yum! yum!  
And someone for lunch,  
Yum! yum!  
Didn't share it with sauce!  
Yum! yum!  
Ate the rest for dinner.  
Yum! yum!  
Cannibal refinement so necessary.  
Yum! yum!

The Ogre had the castle.  
Yum! yum!  
He brought it there on Wednesdays.  
Yum! yum!  
And on Saturday the feast gave  
Yum! yum!  
And the neighbor was stuck.  
Yum! yum!

Here it is as found,  
Yum! yum!  
That filed the Dragon need.  
Yum! yum!  
Memory that dragons are rare,  
Yum! yum!  
He fed the scraps of.  
Yum! yum!

But with the Dragon came the cat  
Yum! yum!  
And added hassle of ludoed.  
Yum! yum!  
Hannibal from fairy tales knew,  
Yum! yum!  
That cats are the source of evil!  
Yum! yum!

He lured the his he day  
Yum! yum!  
Let's eat the sausage.  
Yum! yum!  
The cat was mortal and snapped,  
Yum! yum!  
To the Ogre not has converged.  
Yum! yum!

Stone on neck. Ready.  
Yum! yum!  
The Lecturer threw the cat into the moat  
Yum! yum!  
Bulk, bulk; for loop — circle…  
Yum! yum!  
Will anyone else help?  
Yum! yum!


	5. The tale of Robin hood

About Robin Hood our story,  
The robber is excellent.  
The rich get robbed every time  
And gives everything to the poor.

 

***

Once upon a time glorious Robin Hood  
Hunting in the woods.  
And the first thing shot  
Sheriff, boar, Fox.

Roared over him the mighty wood,  
Below — the wind barely, barely.  
There are no magic miracles in Sherwood…  
He sang the string.

Rinsed my face  
He in the lake forest  
And, lie down on the warm moss,  
Fell into a deep sleep.

And dream about the guy the white house  
And Negroes of all stripes…  
Wherever you look, wherever you spit  
Too crowded with guests.

Men in white wigs,  
In tights and shoes,  
And from left in the skin by all go,  
And just the fear of the whip!

Virgins with low neckline  
In skirts to the navel…  
Poor Robin Hood was sweating.  
Wherever the country!

He turned to the side.  
And began to snore sweetly.  
Had a dream about castle here him  
In the town of Bolsterstone.

Where he is engaged to lady Marion,  
Where he lives for a year.  
Children taking many; the cry and screeching  
Walk in the castle.

But life prepared a surprise…  
And once in the summer.  
Could not refrain from asking,  
He ran with a neighbor.

— Oh! Robin! — here neighbor cried,  
— We have a big trouble!  
The dragon woke up under a mountain…  
I don't know anymore!

— And what is this dragon doing?  
— Robin asked quietly,  
— Did you bite someone somewhere?  
So it is not dashing.

— He burned the fields, burned the village.  
Kidnapped small children,  
Now spark out,  
Girls requests on lunch!

— I'm not leaving it alone,  
— Here is Robin's anger made,  
— I call all under the banner,  
We'll cool the dragon.

Rushing horses on the roads,  
Behind them the cloud of dust is.  
On reaching the lair, I learned,  
That the dragon is still sleeping peacefully.

Around him bloomed daisies,  
And the bells were blooming.  
As much as six hectares of white porridge  
Five big cows were chewing.

And slept Dragon. The ground shook.  
And the wind was blowing from the cave.  
And near the entrance  
Something sat, hiding.

It green eyes  
Looked at the white light.  
And Mature there is blood, fire  
And many valiant victories.

Then Robin shot him;  
The arrow, singing, disappeared into the darkness.  
But then Robin hood woke up.  
He jumped to his feet.

He heard only a scream.  
Deer... plaintive, aching.  
Shook off here Robin the remnants of sleep  
And plunged into the present.


	6. Sick Dragon

Dragon caught a cold.  
He was lying in his basement and deafening sneezes.  
The cat was trying to alleviate the suffering of another, was running around and dug him weed to ease cough and pain.

***

 

But another Princess, that lived in a castle, not understood, where come these horrendous sounds. She only saw a black cat scurrying about the yard. And, because of natural stupidity and romantic fantasies, and decided that she's not just a Princess living in a castle, but a cat is a pet of a sorcerer, and the sorcerer is the dragon, whom she glimpsed in the background of the white moon.  
After this exciting thought, the Princess sat down and wrote a snotty message to all the surrounding princes — they say, save, help. The sorcerer keeps me in the castle, and I'm still a virgin. And on three sheets florid handwriting.  
Sent all the carrier pigeons in different directions and began to wait for the deliverer.

***

And the cat discovered below the cellar floor hot lake. All examining and sniffing the cat dragged to a sick Dragon. He is not arguing, he lay in the lake and began to inhale the medicinal plants cat in advance to cast. And there was a small lake. Cat trodden there a shitload of herbs. The dragon, having wrapped a neck, sipped herbal infusion and blissfully squinted.

And so Dragon held at the lake most of the day. Then he went out, lay down on a warm bed of wool eaten animals and fell asleep. The cat was sleeping between the paws.

***

 

And once in the castle rode another knight. He was eager to get even with the sorcerer. Kissing the Princess's hand, he dismounted and, holding out his sword, went to the basement. Lake, he reached quickly, but... it was the last thing he ever saw, for the Dragon at this time, a deafening sneeze. And one and a half tons of green sticky smelly snot covered the poor knight with his head.  
And that's all.  
The world has lost one of its finest knights.

The dragon did not notice him.

***

A week later, another deliverer rushed in. Shining with Golden armor, he rode up to the Princess and asked in a loud voice:  
— WHERE SORCERER!!!  
— There! the Princess said, and looked embarrassed.  
— I'll save you! — the knight leapt from his horse and rushed into the cellar.

The first one he found was a cat. The cat was carrying grass in its mouth and did not pay attention to the biped. But two-legged turned.  
— Witch cat!!! the knight yelled, — YOU'll DIE!!!  
But the cat darted deep into the basement and disappeared.  
The knight followed.

Running out to the shore of the lake, he saw a Dragon, who enthusiastically played in the boats, driving on the lake wooden bowls.  
But before the Dragon he didn't get, but the cat was a few feet from him.  
— UUUUU!!! — the knight shouted, and, rushing at the poor animal, began to chop the Cat with his sword.  
Wool, blood and meat were scattered in the cave.

But then the Dragon, seeing that his Cat fucking kills, rose from the lake, approached the knight and slammed a paw.  
Then he took the bloody half-dead cat on his paws and returned to the lake.  
I washed him of the blood and held him close.  
The cat sagged. He didn't meow or moan.  
The dragon was frightened.  
He climbed out of the lake, wrapped the cat in the skin of the last sheep they had eaten, and laid him down beside him, and then fell asleep.


End file.
